Thursday, 1 November 2012

Motherhood !!!

Motherhood - A song for life

The video above unfolds the story of all of us. Isn't it?

The beautiful journey so well described in this video depicts the anxieties, experiences, insecurities and enormous joys of motherhood and I am sure all of you who have watched the video would have relived the moments as I have. The memories so fresh that it just seems yesterday.
So, my dear lovely angels , this is my expression of love for you both....

Light of my life ----------------------- my children.

I have had my share of joys and sorrows; carefree laughters and worries; hope and despair - in a nut shell , learning experiences - throughout these 15 years of my married life. I have learned only one thing - God has his own plans and ways to make us complete and enriched and we realize this, not at the beginning of the journey but during the walk through on the path.

Ma , Mom, Mamma........... such endearing words!!! When they reach your ears you tend to forget everything else - physical stress and pain that the childbirth brings along; the endless work and responsibilities of a mother, be it of an infant, a toddler, a teenager or an adult; the compromises woman makes on her professional commitments; imbalance of other relationships vis a vis a mother-child relationship... Its all worth it !! A smile on the face of your child,twinkle in his eyes, his chirpy laughter, his naughty tantrums, his hugs and kisses and the other endless sweet gestures that he makes assures you time and again that your decision to nurture this bond was right and yes its ok to acknowledge that the priorities change post motherhood..

My journey began when I was 24 years old and just 2 months married. and boom !! got the news that I am carrying, was not ready yet but me and my husband along with our parents welcomed the news. We thought, chalo, lets get over with it, phase of life.. so all happy. And then.. destiny plays its role.. Miscarriage happened in 3rd month and we were completely clueless to why? My husband was with me holding my hand both of us giving each other strength. What followed later was series of medical tests and treatments and finally after a year and a half later, I conceived again.... news of precious baby coming our way was very overwhelming. The tears rolled and smiles came back. I was advised complete bed rest for 9 months so I left my job as lecturer.The D day arrived. On a hot may day, I delivered a beautiful and healthy princess. She was brought to me next day as I was in sedation as aftermath of a cesarean delivery. As soon as I touched her, my daughter so gentle & so pure responded with hazy eyes and I connected with her instantaneously. I felt complete holding her in my arms, feeding her, rocking her to sleep..She was now 5 months old, very beautiful and very fair.. truly an angel and yes angel she was because she left us for where she belonged to -- heaven! All of a sudden, the life turned meaningless, God very cruel, and me and my husband once again helpless, clueless and angry.. Rest of the world said, Destiny and We questioned, Why us?? I prayed for her soul but I was extremely sad and angry.. My treasure was taken away and I just could not do anything but wail and plead to the walls. I remember that I did not step into the temple for months, I was so angry with the supreme power above all of us.

Now if I look back and recall, I really feel that she was definitely a God send angel who had come to open the closed doors and shower the blessings on my family.. My family which is complete now with her two younger brothers, a reflection of hers and identity of their own..

My older son who is now 12 years old is a darling.. very responsible, caring , intense and intelligent. He was born exactly after a year of me losing my princess. what to call this.. God's will, his ways, destiny, whatever. But yes, I got my princess back,in a different form though and I thank God for such kindness. However,I still am bewildered at his plans for us. I will not deny that I was expecting a daughter but then as soon as I held my son in my arms for the first time, he became my life, my purpose in life and I promised myself that his would be bride would become my daughter rather than daughter-in-law and thats how I will get my daughter also back. I intend to keep that promise !!

He became the center of our universe. I still cherish the moments of his growing years,his first step, his first tooth and then tooth fall, his first toy, my sleepless nights and he asleep in my lap dreaming merrily, his tantrums and me and my husband disciplining him, his scoring high grades in school, his first girlfriend at the age of 2.. Wow !! those were the days with its own challenges but such beautiful memories. Now, he is a grown up boy and taller than me.. to be a teenager in few months..He now tells me ,"Mom, see my eight pack abs and my biceps!" and he now shy away from the discussions around girl friends and just smiles away to his room.. He has become my pillar of strength and my friend. My sweetu, my baccha.... I sometimes sadly think that few more years, he will leave the nest and wander away to where his future lies, to where God has set his path . Then , my younger one comes and says, "Hey mom.. I will be around for long time "

My younger one is 4 year old brat of the family. When he came into our lives, honestly speaking we were not prepared. I was completely settled with my older son into regular full day school, my well paying and satisfying consulting job and a change in job and city awaiting us as my husband switched into a new job in Mumbai.... And again the twist came.. God decided that I have had enough of rest and settlement, lets rock the calm waters and here I was again doing my med check ups, ultrasounds and baby shopping once again after a gap of 9 long years and this amidst all the packing, unpacking and settling chaos in new city. My husband was not around much because of the pressures of new job and I sitting in my new home, with my older son surrounded by his new books and new school diary, my swollen 7 month belly, my unattended phone calls from my office asking me to join their Mumbai office...wondered at the life and its uncertainties and God's plans. I finally decided to take a long break from work and devote my time to the new chapter of my life.....and the process restarted and with it, I reinvented myself.

My younger one copies his brother, fights with him, takes his side if I scold my older one, do all dramabazi, shows of attitude and tantrums like never seen before. When I see both of them playing and fighting and doing masti, I realize that its not only parents that are complete when the children arrive in their lives, siblings also become complete and that sibling bonding and sharing becomes a habit and mutual need of lifetime... This is what the family is all about.

Yes, mothers are important but so are fathers. Without him in my life, I would not have had capacity and strength to deal with the ups and downs. He is a friend, philosopher and guide to our children. I might lose temper with them, he never does and he leads by example. He is a perfect father and of course a perfect husband too. 

Today, me and my husband sit back and enjoy our getting older because we see our children growing happily... This is the cycle of life and we live each day as  it comes because now we know,God has hidden agendas which he only knows and no point questioning his acts or our faith.

Love my family forever !! God bless ................................

(The above post is my response to the 'mom&me' contest in the women's web online portal)

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